For the Want of Some Batteries
by Alstroe
Summary: Crossposted from skywardpromptsanonymous on tumblr. Demise needs new batteries for his Wii Remote.


The prompt was basically, "What if Ghirahim told Demise his Wii Remote was out of batteries? And then Link ran out of batteries too? Write the ensuing hijinks."

Also, you'll probably be seeing more Skyward Sword before FMA. Just a warning. ;)

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><p><em>"Are you ready to proceed?"<em>

_ "I'm ready!"_

"_Understood, Master Link. Know that even in the place that lies beyond this portal, I will be with you… And Master, good luck."_

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><p>Link stepped out of the portal and blinked. What was this place? Why had Demise chosen this arena for their battle?<p>

Link saw the demon and drew his sword. He would save Zelda, no matter what.

"Ah, so you've decided to meet me in battle after all. It pleases me to see such misplaced valor, human." Link scowled, holding his sword in front of him. Demise paced back and forth, threatening Link, but Link tried not to listen. He was nervous enough.

"The hate for the gods that has boiled in my veins… You will taste all of it in the bite of my blade." Link heard this despite himself and swallowed hard, raising his shield. But all of a sudden, Demise's sword flashed. Link jumped. Wait, Ghirahim? he thought.

"Master."

"WHAT?" Demise bellowed. The indignation on his face was clear to Link.

Ghirahim's voice continued on, unperturbed, from inside the blade.

"Master, it seems you are low on something called… batteries." Ghirahim's voice became disdainful. "I sense that you will not be able to defeat the boy without them."

Demise howled in rage. "How dare you doubt my abilities! You will be silent, sword, or-"

"I do not doubt your abilities, my lord," Ghirahim added hastily. "It is something necessary to my basic functions. I wish to see the sky-child's blood pool around him as much as you do, my lord."

To Link, it sounded like someone was licking their lips.

"Maybe more."

Demise looked like he wanted to throw his sword, but Link saw his hesitation. Link still had his sword drawn, and though he was a fair fighter, Demise didn't trust him, to say the least. It was in the middle of this tense standoff when Link's sword flashed blue.

Link staggered back and threw up his shield, just in case, but it was only Fi. She manifested in front of Link and took one unconcerned glance at Demise before turning back to her master. Link had to stifle a laugh- same old Fi.

"Master, I regret to inform you that your batteries are also nearly depleted."

Demise's eyes narrowed. Link glared back. Whoever could get these batteries first would have a huge advantage in their battle.

Link turned back to Fi and raised an eyebrow.

"It seems batteries can be found-"

Link raised a finger to his lips, urgently signaling for her to be quiet.

"- at a place known as Wal-Mart," she continued, blissfully unaware of Link's pleading with her.

"Wal-Mart," Demise said. "Wal-Mart."

"There is a 97% probability that Demise is capable of creating a portal to a world that houses such a location."

Link smacked his hand over his eyes.

Behind him, Demise started to cackle.

"Yes, yes! I can feel the presence of another world! So many weak human auras! And these… batteries."

Link could hear Ghirahim laugh too as Demise opened a portal.

"Master Link!"

Fi didn't need to encourage him; Link was already diving for the hole. Fi snapped back into his sword seconds before the portal closed. Then everything went dark.

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><p>Link woke to bright light. Next to him was his sword. He blinked and quickly grabbed it. Link looked over his shoulder. Behind him was Demise, still knocked out from the landing. This could be my chance, Link thought, and he started sprinting towards the building in front of him, figuring that it must be the place Fi spoke of. The slick hard surface beneath his feet felt strange, and Link stumbled a few times, but didn't dare look back to see if Demise had awoken. As Link ran, he felt the stares of strangely dressed people on his back.<p>

One man yelled, seemingly excited, but Link didn't understand his English and continued to sprint.

It was then that he heard the screaming.

Demise roared, pushing people down with his gigantic hands. They ran for cover behind large shiny objects, and while Link longed to help them, he didn't dare let Demise get batteries first. He turned back towards the Wal-Mart, but too soon, Demise was on him. In a flash, Link reached for his sword, but it was gone.

Demise smiled, and Link's stomach dropped, but when Demise reached for his sword, it was gone as well.

The two looked at one another for a beat, then scrambled towards the Wal-Mart. Link was the first through the doors, but Demise pushed a wheeled contraption into his path, causing him to fall. Link picked himself up and ran more, finding Demise had tried to walk between two of the small walls in the store and gotten stuck. He bellowed, and people fled. One stayed, holding a shiny box up in front of his eye.

Link took advantage of this time to survey the store. He saw signs, but damn it! These people didn't speak Hylian!

Link ran up to a man wearing the same color as the sign. He tried to mime using a sword, but the man just looked lazily back at him, saying something. Link didn't understand a word, and pulled at his hair. He didn't know what batteries even looked like! Where was Fi?

There was a giant crash from Demise's side of the store, and Link winced. That was not good. Link dashed around the store. Could that be a battery? Or that?

Finally, Link saw his answer. In a row of plastic boxes, he found a picture of himself. It must be a sign from the Goddess! he thought, ecstatic. Link took up the box with trembling hands. He held it out in front of him reverently. The sword his double held pointed to the end of one of the corridors. It's just like dowsing, Link thought. He crept forward, following the sword's path. Link could hear Demise stomping around the store, but he paid no heed.

And then he saw it. A whole display, like a shrine to the Goddess herself. Those copper cylinders! They must be batteries if they're worshipped so beautifully, Link thought.

Demise was catching up, though. Link rolled forward into the stand, knocking down all the packs of batteries. Demise bent over to pick one up, surmising that these packs must contain batteries if the Goddess' Hero was so interested in them. Unfortunately, Demise's hair was no ordinary hair. It was flame. And unfortunately, batteries are extremely flammable.

The fire sprung up in an instant. Link barely had time to take out his shield before a wall of fire appeared, engulfing the batteries in its midst. When the flames died down, Demise was cursing and Link was shaken.

They saw the only un-melted pack of batteries left at the same time. Link rolled forward towards it and hit Demise with his shield, but Demise swung his arm over Link's head and grabbed the pack.

"The ultimate power is mine! I now can defeat you and your _Goddess._" He spit the word out.

Link's eyes widened. Demise held the batteries high in the air. Link waited for the end.

…Nothing happened.

"What is wrong with these batteries? Why are they not giving me supreme power?" He shook the batteries. "GHIRAHIM!" Demise hurled the pack against a wall. The batteries flew out, and Link hurried to collect them. Then he, too, smiled victoriously. Of course only the chosen hero could wield the batteries! They were a gift from the Goddess.

Link took a deep breath. It was Demise's turn to look scared. Then, Link slowly, carefully lifted a battery over his head and threw it at Demise.

It bounced off.

Demise looked at Link. Link looked at Demise.

Link finally spoke up.

"What the hell do we do with these things?"

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><p>Outside, Ghirahim was laughing. He wiped tears from his eyes.<p>

"Tell me what these… what are they, Earth people? said again."

"They thought my master was in costume."

Ghirahim bent over, using his knees for support as he shook with laughter. He straightened. "And you should have seen the looks on people's face when they saw _my_ master. I keep telling him that hair is atrocious, but…"

Fi glowed blue for a moment with mirth. Ghirahim sighed, content. "How long do you think it'll take them to figure out how to use batteries?"

"There is a 3% chance they will figure it out within the time the store will remain open."

Ghirahim laughed again. "How would you like to take a look around this- Earth, you call it? while they figure it out?"

Fi considered a moment. "I believe I would like that. It would add data to my memory so as to further help my master."

"Give it up. I know you like to get away from that boy sometimes, at least. We're both swords here."

"Well, there _is_ only a 15% chance he will polish me on any given day…"

"That's the spirit!"

"And my master assured me he was ready _before_ we came to fight Demise! Who forgets batteries?"


End file.
